In Memory of You Baby Girl: Lovely Matsy Grace

Forty One months had passed since we began the adoption journey. We finally got "the call." It's the call you wait for. It's the start to "the real wait" of bringing your child to their forever family. You dream up how it will go, and though it's rarely the scenario you thought-- it's perfect. It's perfect because it's your child.

That call for us happened June 16. I thought we would wait and tell our families, but we were both too ecstatic. FaceTime sufficed to share the news. A few days later, we shared it on our blog. It was perfect-- the real wait finally had a face. 

She was beautiful. She had big brown eyes and thick hair. Her name was "Lovely." We planned to call her "Matsy Grace." In his prayers, Noah called her "Lovely Matsy Grace." We knew it was a long shot, but we were praying she would be home for the holidays. 

The days that followed were very strange because the weight of  thinking of her birth parents, her less than ideal situation in her orphanage in Bihar, India, and just the whole adoption process in general set in. The first few nights were pretty restless. We continued with loads of paperwork daily. Once you can look at her face, it makes the paperwork a little easier. 

On July 3, our agency's in country rep sent a few videos of our daughter. We immediately realized her health was a lot poorer than we originally thought. We began trying to determine how to get her the best healthcare possible when she got home. 

On July 4, my mommy heart thought ok, what can we do? I knew it was a long shot, but surely Patna, Bihar needed English speaking Speech Therapists. When not a single job could be found, I knew we probably had no way to go help her immediately. Besides the fact that we still were a few steps away from having the document we needed to be able to see her. This was also an American holiday, so our agency's office was closed. 

On July 5, our agency's director so kindly called and walked me through her medical exam. It wasn't what any parent wants to see a child face, but we didn't exactly realize the severity of it either. Unfortunately, I don't think they did either. 

Our director called back around 30 minutes later very upset. His words "I have the worst news. She didn't make it" were to follow. Within a short bit, we received her death information from the hospital. 

All of this happened while I was at work. I'm grateful for awesome co-workers. They surrounded me and loved on me until I could get home and begin grieving with our family. The next few days were very emotional for our family. It's definitely not how we planned our adoption journey to play out. We never wanted to tell our boys that they will never play with the sister they talk about and pray for constantly.

While we have complete peace that our Lovely Matsy Grace now has the home we could have never provided, we have experienced the pain of a child passing from this earth never getting to experience the love of a family. 

God blessed us with the most beautiful family and friends. They helped us pull together a memorial celebration for the NEW LIFE of our Lovely Matsy Grace. My parents bought a tree and perfect stone for us to plant at their home in Mississippi. We released balloons in the colors we had planned to decorate her room and shared a meal together. My husband struggled through his words and my oldest son said the most beautiful prayer. It was a precious time. A life should never be gone from this earth without being celebrated, so even if it was from half way around the globe, her life did not go unnoticed. Surrounded by our family and a precious surprise from our sweet friends, we chose to celebrate the hope we have when we all pass from this temporary home.

 

And I don't think the day could have ended any more beautifully... 

So.. Where do we go from here? We continue to wait for another referral. While we in no way want to forget our Lovely Matsy Grace, we are more motivated than ever to adopt and be a forever family to our next child. While we hope that will come sooner than later, international adoption is international adoption and you know that God doesn't always write our story in the ways we plan. So, we are choosing joy today and trusting that God is continuing to write our story!